ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
