Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
