I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize