i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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