I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
