I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
