cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm at about main and main street
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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