this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
