Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
