oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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