Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
