I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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