OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
