It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
