Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
