Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
