i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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