I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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