Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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