I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
