i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
