If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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