i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I CAN MOONWALK!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
