So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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