I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
