I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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