bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
