Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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