My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
