im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
