If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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