shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
