Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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