Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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