Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
