DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
