i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
