Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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