Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
