can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize