Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
