marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
