Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
