I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
mondays should just be called national damage control day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize