so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
