Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Vodka?
Forever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
