We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
