I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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