i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
