and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
vagina is talking i cant
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
