it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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