Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
