May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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