Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
