mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize