im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
