Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
