is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
