You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
