matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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