fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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