hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
