The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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