I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
