Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
