PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
