he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
