dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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