We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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