idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
