five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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