there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we should paint friendship bongs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
