Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
