So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
