I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
