i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
