I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
