I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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