During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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