I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i think i have herpe
just one?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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