That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
