I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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