Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
