It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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