talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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