You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think I sprained my soul last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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