if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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