gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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