Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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