It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
