Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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