I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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