the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize