hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
