So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
