The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
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