For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
