How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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